Teaching Kids About Feelings: A Practical Guide for UK Parents
Ever found yourself completely stumped in the middle of a child's huge emotional meltdown? It happens. And it's exactly why teaching kids about their feelings is one of the most important things we can do for them. It’s about building their emotional toolkit, helping them develop the resilience and communication skills they’ll need for the rest of their lives.
Why Emotional Skills Matter So Much for UK Kids Today
Here in the UK, the conversation around children's mental health feels more urgent than ever. The latest NHS figures are pretty sobering, showing that one in five children and young people aged 8 to 25 had a probable mental health condition in 2023. This isn't just about navigating the ups and downs of childhood; it's about addressing a growing crisis and giving the next generation the skills to handle life's inevitable curveballs.
When we tackle mental health from an early age, we're laying the groundwork for a healthier society down the line. The long-term impact of ignoring it is massive – poor mental health is estimated to cost UK businesses up to £56 billion a year in lost productivity and absenteeism. By teaching our kids about feelings now, we're making a real investment in a more emotionally intelligent and capable future.
The Modern Pressures on Young Minds
Let's be honest, kids today are dealing with a unique set of challenges. The non-stop nature of social media can create a constant pressure cooker of comparison and anxiety, making it incredibly difficult for them to get in touch with their real, authentic emotions. Giving them a solid emotional education early on helps them build a much stronger sense of who they are.
"I think that parents are not just the first teachers of emotional health but they are the most important teachers of emotional health." - Dr. Drew Ramsey
This is such a powerful reminder of the role we play in modelling healthy emotional expression. If you're interested in the science behind it all, this episode offers some fantastic expert insights on emotional health and brain function.
Of course, I am not a mental health professional. If you have serious concerns about your child's wellbeing, please do chat with your GP.
Building Your Child's Emotional Vocabulary
Before children can even begin to manage their feelings, they first need the words to describe them. It all starts here. Teaching kids about their feelings is a foundational step that helps them move from a confusing, overwhelming jumble of sensations to clear, specific language.
This process doesn’t have to feel like a formal lesson; it’s about weaving feelings into your normal, everyday chats.
For the little ones, this can be as simple as pointing out emotions in their favourite storybooks. You could try asking, "How do you think the bear is feeling? His face looks a bit sad." This simple act connects a visual cue directly to an emotional word. For older children, you can start to introduce a much richer vocabulary that goes beyond just happy, sad, or angry. Words like frustrated, anxious, relieved, or content give them more precise tools to explain what’s really going on inside.
This visual shows a simple way to start identifying emotions—a key first step.
Giving children visual aids like this helps make abstract feelings more concrete and a lot easier for them to grasp.
Linking Feelings To Physical Sensations
A brilliant way to make emotions more tangible is by connecting them to what’s happening in their bodies. This helps a child recognise the early warning signs of a big feeling, giving them a chance to manage it before it becomes completely overwhelming.
You could ask gentle questions like:
- "When you feel worried, does it feel like butterflies fluttering in your tummy?"
- "I notice your fists are clenched. Does that happen when you feel angry?"
- "Does feeling excited make your heart beat fast like you've been running?"
This is especially important given the challenges young people face today. Recent research has found that socio-emotional skills among 15- to 16-year-olds in England are statistically weaker compared to their international peers, with an average score of -0.12 below the OECD average. These skills, including emotional control and stress resistance, are absolutely vital for navigating life successfully.
We can help children make these connections by talking about them openly. A simple table like this can be a great starting point.
Connecting Feelings to Body Sensations
| Feeling | What It Might Feel Like in Your Body | A Possible Reason You Feel This Way |
|---|---|---|
| Excited | A fast heartbeat, wiggly fingers and toes, a big smile | You're looking forward to your friend's birthday party. |
| Worried | A fluttery feeling in your tummy, tight shoulders | You have a school test tomorrow and you're not sure you're ready. |
| Angry | Hot face, clenched fists, a loud voice | Someone took your favourite toy without asking. |
| Sad | Heavy feeling in your chest, watery eyes, wanting to be alone | You miss a family member who is far away. |
Thinking about feelings in this way helps demystify them, showing children that what they feel in their bodies is a normal and understandable reaction to what's happening around them.
Books are another fantastic resource for this. Reading stories together provides a safe and engaging way to explore complex emotions. To get started, you might be interested in our guide on preschool emotions books for building emotional intelligence. These stories normalise feelings and open the door for meaningful conversations with your little one.
Making It Safe to Share Big Feelings
Creating a home where your child feels safe enough to be vulnerable is the absolute bedrock of teaching them about feelings. It’s all about validating their emotions, even when their reaction seems completely over the top for the situation.
A simple switch from "Don't cry" or "You're fine" to "I can see you're feeling really upset right now" makes a world of difference. It tells them their feelings are real and welcome, not something to be pushed down or hidden away.
This validation becomes even more vital as children navigate the jump to bigger school environments. Research from England has shown a worrying drop in how emotionally engaged pupils feel at school when they move from primary to secondary. For instance, girls in Year 9 were 22% less likely to strongly agree they felt safe at school in 2023 compared to 2019—a drop much steeper than the international average. A secure emotional base at home is their anchor to help them ride these waves.
Gentle Ways to Start Conversations
Opening the door to real talk is about gentle curiosity, not an interrogation. Instead of firing direct questions that can feel like a spotlight ("Why are you so quiet?"), try softer, observational prompts that invite them in.
- "You seem a bit quieter than usual today. I'm here if you fancy a chat."
- "That looked like a really frustrating moment in your game. What was happening?"
- "I remember feeling a bit like that when I was your age."
This approach offers a conversation without demanding it, which gives your child a sense of control. This is especially important for children with special needs; creating an environment where they feel safe to express themselves is paramount. You can find some fantastic strategies for inclusive virtual classrooms that touch on similar needs.
Showing your kids that adults also have tough days—and manage them constructively—is one of the most powerful lessons you can teach.
Ultimately, you are their most important role model. When you share your own feelings in a healthy way ("I'm feeling a bit stressed today, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths"), you aren't just telling them what to do. You're showing them.
Practical Ways to Manage Meltdowns and Worries
When emotions are running high, having a toolkit of practical strategies can be a real game-changer. The goal isn't to stop big feelings altogether—that’s impossible! Instead, it's about giving your child the skills to ride the emotional wave rather than being swept away by it.
One simple yet incredibly powerful technique is ‘belly breathing’. When you see your child getting anxious or frustrated, just sit with them and place a hand on their tummy. Ask them to breathe in slowly through their nose, making their belly expand like a balloon, and then breathe out slowly through their mouth, letting the balloon deflate. This is a basic form of mindfulness and can be incredibly calming.
This physical action is brilliant because it helps to calm their nervous system, giving them an almost instant sense of relaxation.
Creating a Calm-Down Corner
Another fantastic tool is setting up a designated ‘calm-down corner’ somewhere in your home. This isn’t a naughty step or a punishment space. Think of it as a safe, cosy nook where your child can choose to go when they feel overwhelmed. It’s all about helping them learn to self-regulate.
You can fill this space with sensory items that help soothe them. Things like:
- A soft blanket or a weighted lap pad
- A few squishy stress balls or fidget toys
- Some favourite picture books or colouring supplies
- Noise-cancelling headphones for when sounds just feel like too much
Having this dedicated area gives them a sense of control and a private place to process their feelings without any judgement. Of course, remember this advice is based on shared experience, and I'm not a mental health professional. If you're ever worried, it's always best to seek help from a doctor.
Supporting your child's mental health is a proactive journey of building resilience, one small step at a time. It's about giving them the tools for life before they desperately need them.
Don't forget that physical activity can also be a brilliant outlet. If your child is buzzing with angry or frustrated energy, suggesting a run around the garden, a bike ride, or even a vigorous dance-off in the living room can work wonders. It helps burn off the excess cortisol and adrenaline that comes with stress.
You can find more great ideas for supporting your child's mental health in our detailed guide.
Helpful Books And Resources For Your Family
Figuring out how to navigate the world of children's emotions can sometimes feel a bit isolating, but you're definitely not on your own. There’s a whole world of brilliant resources out there to support you and your child, turning the abstract idea of ‘teaching feelings’ into a shared, real-world experience. Sometimes, all it takes is the right story or a simple tool to open up conversations you weren't quite sure how to start.
This is especially important right now, as support within schools is still a work in progress. While mental health provision in UK schools is thankfully expanding, it's a slow process. By April 2026, it's estimated that 60% of pupils in England will have access to specialist mental health support teams. It's a great step forward – giving an extra 900,000 pupils vital emotional education – but it also shines a light on the gap that parents are often filling at home. You can find out more about how mental health support in schools is evolving on the Education Hub blog.
Starting Conversations With Books And More
Picture books are just a wonderful, gentle way to introduce complex emotions. Stories give children a safe distance to explore feelings like jealousy, anxiety, or sadness through the eyes of a character. Good examples include "The Colour Monster" by Anna Llenas or "The Invisible String" by Patrice Karst. If you want to dive deeper into this, you might find our article on how a children's mental health book can help your child useful.
Beyond books, there are some fantastic UK-based mental health apparel brands using clothing to spark positive chats. Something as simple as wearing a t-shirt with a supportive message can help normalise these conversations and make mental wellbeing a visible, everyday part of family life.
Remember, reaching out for resources or speaking to your GP isn't a sign of failure. It's a profound act of strength and proactive parenting.
Exploring these tools together reinforces the simple but powerful message that feelings are normal and talking about them is healthy. Whether it’s through a beautifully illustrated book or a comfy hoodie, every little resource helps build a more emotionally open and resilient family.
Got Questions About Your Child's Emotions? Let's Talk.
When it comes to teaching our kids about feelings, we all have questions. It can feel like navigating a new world without a map, but a few core ideas can really help light the way.
A question I hear all the time is, "When is the right time to start?" My answer is always the same: now. It's never too early. Long before they can say a single word, babies are tuning into our tone of voice and emotional energy. Simply naming what you see helps build their emotional vocabulary from day one. Try saying things like, "You seem so frustrated that your block tower fell down."
Another big one is what to do when your child just won't open up. The absolute last thing you want to do is force it. Instead, your job is to create a space that feels safe and to lead by example. Share your own feelings in a simple, age-appropriate way. "I'm feeling a little bit tired today" shows them that having feelings is a normal, everyday part of life. This is especially important now, when social media often paints a picture of perfection, making our kids feel like their messy, real emotions are somehow wrong.
When To Ask for a Little More Help
Figuring out what’s a normal developmental phase versus something more serious is a tough one for any parent. Mood swings and big feelings are a standard part of growing up, of course. But you’ll want to pay attention to persistent changes in your child’s behaviour, sleeping patterns, or appetite that get in the way of their daily life.
It's really important for me to say again that I am not a mental health professional. If you have any worries at all about your child's wellbeing, the best first step is always to seek help from your GP or a qualified professional. They are the right people to give you the guidance you need.
Things like deep belly breathing or creating a quiet "calm-down corner" are fantastic tools for managing everyday worries and wobbles. But they aren't a replacement for professional advice when your gut tells you something more is going on. Always trust your instincts on this one — reaching out for support is a true sign of strength.
At Little Fish Books, our mission is to give families the tools to talk about the big stuff in a gentle way. We create books and resources designed to open up those important conversations about feelings. Find the perfect story to support your child's journey today at https://thatsokay.co.uk.