Grief Activities for Children: 13 Gentle Ideas for Home and School

Children often find it hard to talk about grief directly. Asking "How are you feeling?" can be met with a shrug, even when a lot is going on inside. Doing something with their hands, such as colouring, making or building, gives them a way to show what they feel, and often opens up a conversation along the way.

These grief activities for children are simple to set up at home, in school or in an ELSA session. None of them need to be done perfectly, and it's fine to come back to the same one many times.

Before you start

• Let the child lead. Offer an activity, but don't push. If they'd rather stop or do something else, that's okay.
• Stay close. Sit alongside them rather than watching. Doing the activity yourself can make it easier for them to join in.
• Expect feelings to come up. Tears, anger or silly behaviour are all normal responses. Allow them, and offer comfort.
• Keep it short for younger children. Ten or fifteen minutes is often plenty.

If you haven't yet had the first conversation about what has happened, my guide on how to explain death to a child may help first.

Activities for remembering

1. Make a memory box

Decorate a shoebox or small box together, then fill it with things that remind the child of the person who died: photos, a birthday card, a scarf that still smells of them, tickets from a day out, a favourite sweet wrapper. Children can add to it over time and open it whenever they want to remember.

2. Start a memory jar

Write short memories on slips of paper ("Grandad always let me have the last chip", "Mum sang in the car") and keep them in a jar. Family members can add to it too. On harder days, the child can pick one out and read it.

3. Create a photo book or scrapbook

Print a handful of photos and let the child arrange them in a scrapbook, adding drawings, captions and stickers. Older children might like to write a short story about a day they remember.

4. Plant something

Plant bulbs, a small tree or a pot of flowers in memory of the person. Looking after it gives a child something practical to do, and seeing it grow each year can be a gentle way to remember.

5. Paint memory stones

Collect smooth stones and paint them with a name, a picture or a word that describes the person. They can sit in the garden, on a windowsill, or be taken to a special place.

Activities for feelings

6. Colour a feeling

Colouring is calming, and it gives children something to focus on while they think and talk. The That's Grief Colouring Book has 16 creatures, each carrying a feeling that can come with grief, from angry and confused to hopeful and okay. As a child colours, you can ask which creature feels most like them today, without any pressure to explain why.

7. Draw "inside and outside"

Draw a simple outline of a person. On the outside, the child draws or writes how they look to other people. On the inside, how they really feel. This helps children see that it's okay to feel different on the inside, and gives you a way into the conversation.

8. Make a feelings jar

Choose a colour for each feeling (for example blue for sad, red for angry, yellow for happy memories). The child pours a layer of coloured sand, salt or rice into a jar for each one, as much or as little as they feel. It shows that grief is lots of feelings mixed together, and that happy memories sit alongside the sad ones.

9. Find safe ways to let out anger

Anger is a common part of grief, especially for younger children, and it often comes out as "naughty" behaviour. Give it somewhere to go: squashing play dough, popping bubble wrap, tearing up old newspaper, stamping in puddles or running round the garden. Afterwards, talk about what made them feel angry.

10. Do a daily feelings check-in

Use feelings cards, faces or creatures and let the child point to how they feel each morning or after school. The free Feelings Starter Pack has printable pages you can use for this, and the Feelings Matching Game helps younger children learn the words for each feeling. For a ready-made routine, the Feelings Check-In Pack is a simple printable for home or the classroom.

Activities for saying goodbye

11. Write a letter or draw a picture for them

Invite the child to write a letter, or draw a picture, for the person who died. They might want to say something they didn't get to say, tell them about their day, or ask a question. They can keep it in their memory box, read it at a graveside, or place it with flowers.

12. Blow bubbles

Each bubble can carry a memory, a message or a wish. Watching them float away is a gentle, calm activity for younger children, and a kinder choice for the environment than releasing balloons.

13. Light a candle on special days

Birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas can be hard. Lighting a candle (with an adult), setting a place at the table, or cooking the person's favourite meal can give a child a way to include them in the day.

Using these activities in school

Many of these activities work well in one-to-one or small group sessions with an ELSA, learning mentor or pastoral lead. For a fuller guide, see supporting a bereaved child in school. A few things help:

• Keep a regular time and place, so the child knows when they have space to talk.
• Agree with the family what the child knows and what words they use, so school and home say the same thing.
• Have a book to hand. Reading a story about grief together is often the easiest way to start. I've put together a guide to children's books about grief, including That's Grief, created by ELSA Michelle Barton from the feelings of children she supported.
• Let staff know about key dates, such as anniversaries and Mother's or Father's Day activities, so they can plan around them.

When to look for more support

These activities can help a child make sense of their feelings, but they aren't a replacement for specialist support. If a child is still struggling a few months on, or you're worried about them, speak to your GP or school, or contact Winston's Wish, Child Bereavement UK or Cruse Bereavement Support.